One big reason I haven't posted for a while is because I am sad to be posting this. All the work I put into making so many cute diapers, all the eagerness about getting to use them on my kids, all the excitement about the money we would save. And now I'm not even sure that it will have been worth it.
Two words can sum up the cause of my woe.
Thomas has had a diaper rash for as long as I can remember, long before we switched to cloth. I was hoping the switch would help him to heal. But it hasn't. His rash is as constant as it was before. We've tried nystatin to treat for yeast, we've tried mupirocin to treat for bacteria, we've used barrier creams and petroleum jelly and everything we can possibly think of. But his rash continues.
The worst of it, though, is Audrey's rash. A few weeks after starting cloth, she started getting a bit red. At her next check-up with the pediatrician, she was prescribed nystatin for yeast. It didn't work. The rash got worse. It was bright red all over her diaper area, super dry, and extremely flaky. I'm talking huge flakes of skin peeling off when I'd wipe her. Diaper changes, which used to be a happy bonding time, became physically painful for Audrey and emotionally painful for me.
My sister suggested I use lotrimin anti-fungal with disposable diapers for a while, bathing Audrey in an oatmeal/powdered milk bath every morning and evening. For a while, that was actually working - her skin was starting to get smooth and much less red. Then it just stopped working, and her rash started getting bad again.
Now for the past few days I've been using cloth sometimes and disposables other times, for both kids. Thomas' rash continues to stay the same. Audrey's rash has slowly been getting worse.
I don't want to stop cloth diapering! I worked so hard to make all those diapers! I love the way they look, the way they feel. I love washing them, stuffing them, putting them away all nice and neat. I love the way they don't crinkle when the baby moves, the way they don't smell like perfumed chemicals. I love the fact that, before all this started, we were able to go for such a long time without having to buy any diapers or wet wipes at all.
But I'm about ready to give up. If I can't get these rashes to go away with the kids in cloth, I may just have to throw in the towel, pack away the fluff, and diaper my kids in crinkly, rough, papery disposables. And that thought just makes me so sad. I want it to work with cloth. I never even entertained the possibility that it might not work out. I thought all I needed was determination. But what happens when being determined doesn't work? When no matter what I try, my kids' bottoms get more and more red and painful?
Sigh. This is just such a hard thing to face. I'm going to get Audrey checked out at the clinic to see if there's anything they can suggest that I haven't tried yet. I'm going to keep trying to make the cloth diapers work. But if I can't, no matter how hard I've tried, I'll feel like I've failed.